


Absolution

by Iamsuperconfused



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, First Kiss, Forgiveness, minor fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-18 02:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21670159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamsuperconfused/pseuds/Iamsuperconfused
Summary: Yasha is out of control with pain, guilt and internal conflict. She leaves the Mighty Nein after a particularly bad nightmare. Beauregard chases after her, will she be able to convince Yasha to come back with her, or will she return empty handed.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 6
Kudos: 109





	Absolution

The pale hands grip the hilt of her sword, Magician’s Judge. It tightens and the blade cuts through the air, through the dark. Her jaw tense, her rage boiling a needle’s breadth under her skin. She heard voices, in her mind, in her sleep, her eyes adapt to the dark of her room. She sees every details, colorless. Nothing.

Yasha smash the flat of the blade against the cabinet where she stored her clothes for the night. It rattles, it falls under the powerful impact. Footstep outside her bedroom, a knock, another knock. She’s paralyzed, the shadows gather around her back and the sound of thunder rumbles nowhere but her ears. 

A strong kick later, the door swings open and Beauregard step into the room, fist crackling with lightning. She looks fierce, ready to fight off whatever monster she finds in the room. 

Yasha drops the blade on the ground, metal clattering against wood. She falls to her knees and bites against her forearm so her scream doesn’t wake more of the inn’s patron. There are tears in her eyes, trapped screams in her throat and nightmares masquerading as demons in her head. 

The lightning swirl around Beau’s fist, there’s fear and apprehension in her eyes, one careful step toward her, then another.

Yasha holds her hands up in front of her. “Nothing’s wrong, the only monster here is me.”

Beau unclenches her fists and the lightning fades. She reaches out for her shoulder and a small jolt of electricity bounces into Yasha, tensing her muscles. “Yasha.” The tone isn’t threatening, not in a way that suggest Malice, anyway. 

“I keep having dreams and I can’t tell them apart from... when Obann had me. Or maybe they’re only memories.” She speaks quietly, eyes staring directly at her hands with the blood of people she never even spoke to. “I want them to stop, but I don’t deserve even that.” 

Beau watches Yasha crumbles into a pile of alabaster ruination. “Yasha, you can’t say that, you were--“

“Yes, I can! I was weak! I couldn’t resist! People got hurt, and died again because I was weak.” Her hands reach for Magician’s judge and grip the hilt again. “I hurt the only people that could trust me, almost killed them.” she uses the sword to stand up and start gathering her clothes, her equipment. “I’m leaving, it’s just better for everyone.” 

“Okay” She sigh, defeat creeping in "... please come back to us, or at least write to me. Keep in contact.” Beau steps away, trying to give Yasha space.

Yasha shake her head. “No, I’m not doing that. I’m going for good. There’s no coming back for me.” 

Beauregard interpose herself between the door and Yasha. “Then you’re not leaving.”

Yasha stares directly at Beau her eyes growing black. “I know I can take you, move.”

Beauregard throws a glance over her shoulder, she listens attentive to the surrounding. She hears patrons murmuring, whispers and rumors already dancing about among those who woke from the all the ruckus. She decides to keep the fighting for later. “Fine.”

Yasha bump shoulder with Beauregard on her way out. 

Beauregard moves rapidly once she knows Yasha is outside of the inn. She return to her bedroom, she writes a note on a parchment and slides it under the door to Caleb’s room. The paper gets intercepted by Frumpkin’s paw under the door.

His door opens, and he looks down at her. “Go after her, I’ll tell the others. She’s going back to Xhorhas. Bring her back if you can.”

She smiles at him. “I’ll return, I promise, even if she won’t.” She gives him a hug and runs out of the inn.

* * *

Shadowing an angry warrior carrying a little too much weight in every sense of the expression is a simple enough task. Yasha just walks on the path out of town and walks and walks, never once throwing a glance over her shoulders. Still, Beauregard keeps her distance from the woman, just rushing at her so soon after their confrontation would end in a fight. 

After an hour of following her, Beauregard stops for just a moment and look over her map of the local region. The Mighty Nein traveled this road before and she knows there’s ideal camping spot along the road. From there, it’s easy for her to map out the path Yasha’s taking. Unless the woman walks straight ahead in the middle of an unknown wood or a lake, there’s not a lot of choices if she’s headed for Xhorhas.

Beau makes it to the roadside camp about an hour before Yasha. She set up a fire and a meal, alongside some reading material. She climbs in a tree and keep watch for her and possibly other dangers. 

Yasha makes her way into the camp, though she notices the fire and other item, she completely misses Beau, perched above her. She takes a seat next to the fire and opens one of her rations. 

“You didn’t think you’d get to run away that easy this time, I hope.” Beau drops from the tree.

Yasha stands, furious, her hand falls to the hilt of her blade. Her gaze is intense but obscured by tears and pain. “Go away.”

Beauregard holds her stare. “Or what? You’ll do the thing you’re afraid of doing by staying?” Nonchalantly, she lifts her legs and kicks (more like pushes with her foot) Yasha’s hand from the hilt of Magician’s judge.

Yasha roars and tackles Beauregard, slamming her against the tree she just dropped form, one hand around her throat, the other raise in a fist, though she doesn’t punch. “Go AWAY!”

Beauregard lets it happen. There’s a victorious smile on her lips as she places the flat of her hand right over Yasha’s sternum, she adjusts the flow of her Ki to the other woman’s heartbeat. “Or what?”

Yasha knows whatever she speaks will be the truth, she knows the strange pulsing sensation through her body now is Beau’s doing, tears fall from her eyes. “Or nothing. I can’t hurt people I like anymore, It can’t happen. I don’t want it to.” 

Beau keeps her hand there, focusing on her ability, she feels Yasha’s voice against her finger tips, against her palm. “What do you want?”

Yasha knows the truth of what she wants now and tears fall, flowing. “Forgiveness.” 

Beau can’t hide the little smile from her. “You know it won’t be easy for everyone in the group. But it’s not like Nott didn’t lodge a few bolts up our asses, or Caleb roasted us with the fireballs.”

Yasha laughs through the tears, leaning hard against the hand on her chest. “It’s not just you guys.”

“We know. It’s not just us for Caleb either.” Beau focuses on her ability again, maintaining it. 

“I don’t feel like I deserve the chance anymore Beau.” Her tears hit the ground. “It can’t be as simple as hugging it out. It can’t be like that. Not for me.” her fist unclench and her arm drops at her side. She’s still holding Beau by the throat, afraid that releasing her would end the ability bringing the truth out of her.

“What do you think you deserve?” Beau asks, her own heart squeezing, knowing what to expect already.

“I don’t know and I don’t think I should be the one who decides that.” Yasha says.

“As someone who you’ve hurt. Would you accept my judgement?” Beau asks, solemnly.

Yasha can’t form the words, but she nods, she accepts and she falls to her knee in front of Beauregard. Her heart pulsing with the truth.

“Yasha Nidoorin, by whatever power I have at my disposition as Expositor of the Cobalt Soul, I strip you of the name Orphan Maker.” Beauregard speaks, solemn and firm. “You will forfeit any gold left, after your living expense and necessities, to an Orphanage that Fjord will pick for you.” her arms wrap around Yasha’s head, holding her against her stomach. “Also, you’re on probation now and you can’t run away from us.” Beau says with a bit of a lighter tone.

It’s enough to make Yasha laugh a little through the tears again, she wraps her arms around Beauregard’s waist, clinging to her. “I think it‘ll take me time to figure out who I am if not the Orphan Maker.” 

“I’ll be there to help you find out.” Beauregard crouches in front of the kneeling Yasha, her hands running through the woman’s hair.

“Thank you.” Yasha cups Beau’s face with her hand and pull her into a fierce kiss.

The moment that the kiss ends is the moment Beau’s mind is filled with Jester’s voice. “Oh my god! oh my god! oh my god! I’m so happy for you two! please come back safe, we---“ the message cuts off as Jester runs out of words. “Hmm, Jester’s spying on us, she just sent me a message.” Beau focuses to send the message back. _“Stop spying Jester. Tell Fjord I need to speak with him when we get back.”_

They sit, idle, silent by the fire side.


End file.
